Miscarriage #2

After my first miscarriage the comments from the doctors' were very similar. The consensus was: Bad luck. Since miscarriages are very common, the assumption is that when you have one, it's simply bad luck or nature running it's course, etc. It doesn't make it easier to deal with, but that's the general rule of thought.

After my first miscarriage I was dying to get pregnant again. Could. Not. Wait. It only took two months until my 2nd pregnancy. This was in October.

After you've had one miscarriage, they begin to monitor you more closely that someone who has never miscarried. I called the office within an hour of pregnancy test confirmation and they immediately scheduled blood work. I went in that day to have my HCG levels tested and was told to come back two days later. The tests are to confirm that your HCG (the pregnancy hormone) levels are rising appropriately. They wanted mine to double within two days to make sure my pregnancy was in fact, a pregnancy, and that it was progressing appropriately.

It was! Phew. One test down.

Next was a 6 week ultrasound to check for a heartbeat. With my first pregnancy, I wasn't scheduled for an ultrasound until much later, so I was never able to hear a heartbeat. I was scared to death. My mom went with me and I nervously watching faces to see if I could detect that anything was wrong. Nothing was wrong. I heard the heartbeat! It was amazing and exciting and wonderful. My mom said, "See, I told you it was going to be ok."

Two weeks later all of my symptoms just went away. No more slight nausea, no more aching boobs; I felt fine. And that's when I knew. I knew something was wrong, again.

I was 8 weeks when my ultrasound confirmed my 2nd miscarriage. They said all growth had stopped at 6 weeks and 3 days. Just three days after hearing the beautiful heartbeat.

I wish I could explain the sadness and the anger that come with a miscarriage, but I can't. There are no words.